It happens overnight. One day you have a little girl playing house and the next morning you have a tween. We are suddenly in a tween world with iPods, novels and cell phones. So long are the days of playing Barbies, dress up and tea parties. With the obvious social changes, come some very personal changes as well. We all remember how awkward those tween years could be. Our bodies start changing; we developed body hair and then came body odor. Conversations with our kids change from setting up play dates, to talking about puberty. It's no surprise that our kids are changing at a much earlier time than we did, and Kamryn was no exception.
I should have been prepared when Kam’s first growth spurt hit at nine. She was taller than everyone in her 4th grade class and she wasn't done growing. By her 10th birthday she had already hit 5' and her body started having real physical changes. It was time to sit down and have "the talk." Not the birds and the bees talk, we'd already had that conversation years ago. It was the inevitable talk about puberty. We had a long talk and opened the door to a whole new world of communication. We talked about her obvious physical changes and also the emotional changes that come along with puberty. From feelings of insecurity to maintaining good hygiene, there was nothing we didn’t discuss. One of the main topics of our ongoing conversations is body odor.
You don't want to just come out and tell your tween... "you stink!" We live in the desert and with temperatures reaching 115 in the summer, it's impossible to beat the sweat. Throw in four to six hours of dance team a week and my tween is definitely in need of a few showers weekly. About six months ago, I came home from the store with a box of "tween supplies," as I called them. There was special shampoo, a new hairbrush, some smelly lotions and deodorant. Most girls can't wait to grow up, but Kamryn is not like most girls. She doesn't embrace the changes that come with growing up without shedding a few tears. You better believe she teared up when she realized I bought her first bar of deodorant. She knows she doesn't smell too bad, but getting her into the habit of good hygiene early on was my intention.
Talking with our tweens about body odor and good hygiene is important, but it can be uncomfortable and even embarrassing. This is why Unilever, the leading manufacturer of deodorant and antiperspirants, such as Degree® Men, Degree® Women, Degree® Girl, Dove®, and Suave®, assembled a panel of experts and community partners to develop an educational resource...
Don't Fret The Sweat Facebook page. The Don't Fret The Sweat campaign provides parents with necessary tools to help build confidence in our kids. Kamryn loved the "product matchmaker" that allowed her to answer a few questions to recommend the right deodorant for her. She is an active tween and is constantly on the go, so she wants something that is going to last throughout the day.
For real-life stories about parents that are communicating and helping transition their tweens into self-reliant teens, check out
Don't Fret The Sweat Facebook page. You will be pleasantly surprised by all the wonderful advice!
I know a lot of you have great advice to share on raising a tween and I am looking for feedback. Leave me your best kept secret on raising a tween and you will be entered to win a $100 VISA Gift card and Don’t Fret The Sweat gift pack.
Visit the BlogHer Prizes & Promotions section
for more chances to win!!
Sweepstakes run from 10/04/2011 - 11/04/2011.
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120 comments:
I have to admit, this is kind of a funny giveaway :). Thankfully I don't have a tween to have to have these conversations with... I am still scarred from my own 5th grade "maturation" presentation!
What a great idea! And I'm glad this was about deodorant lol, for a minute there I was thinking you were blogging about another big 1st and I was going "no she didn't, no!" but then I was relieved :)
I love this post! (And all the ones in between!) I have realized that having an 11-year old boy, it is way important to allow them to experience cologne-not to mask a smell, but to make them feel like they are like dad. My son has had a few different fragrances and he loves to get dressed up and use them. It's such an awkward time for them, but we can definitely help educate and make it as normal as we can for them. Just keep the lines of communication going...Love the pictures!
I have a boy teenager (eeek) and a girl tween. They are worlds different but are very much the same. I think its best to be very honest, so when they are stinky (which happens to all of us) I tell them, with a smile. They know this is their cue to take care of it ;) We've also reminded them that we were once in their shoes, I think it gives them "hope" to get through one of the most difficult times in anyones life...the teen years.
Great topic, Andrea! My oldest is just starting to enter his tween years, and already gets a nod to the showers on a daily basis. I hope to see more products marketed for tween/teen boys soon as well! :)
no tween yet - but a a former one, i can say that have faith- itll get better once they move out! scg00387 at yahoo dot com
http://twitter.com/#!/DesMoinesDealin/status/121399302147936256 scg00387 at yahoo dot com
Raising a tween.... Glad I am past that. My daughter is 23! I am not sure I have any good advice for you, it's not easy. I wish I would have had more patience.... So guess that's my advice, try to be patient. Leave the room and come back later! chefl@swbell.net
Try to listen as much as you talk... tough sometimes!
I don't have a tween yet (I do have a 4 year old that thinks she is 14!) :) My best advice from being a "tween" is to keep them busy so they stay out of trouble! I played several sports and was active at church. My parents were very involved in everything my brother and I did as well. They were right there encouraging us and sometimes participating as well! (My dad started surfing when my brother took it up!) So keep them busy and stay involved! :) Thanks for the giveaway!
i'm not looking forward to having this talk with my kids
karinaroselee at gmail dot com
Having gone through three girls, I'm now on my last "bebe", who is 11. As a single mom, it's kind of weird to find myself talking to a tween boy about hygiene, the birds and the bees, and moral character, but I've found that if I just bring things up in a casual conversation, he tends to pay much more attention, instead of making a big deal of things. I started buying little inexpensive men's cologne for him, and his own "man's" body wash and deodorant, and said, "You're growing up, so your body is changing. If we don't want to be stinky, we all use these things to keep us smelling yummy!"
knittingandsundries(at)gmail(dot)com
constant reminders and setting good example!
Nagging
Pony up for the (increased) water bill without complaint once the teen decides to start taking long showers more than once a day.
Lcrossey at yahoo dot com
My daughter is approaching 9 1/2 (4th grade.) I'd say communicate, communicate, communicate! She knows she can talk to me, hopefully, about anything.
Both of my kids are teenagers and my son takes care of his hygiene without a problem but my daughter sometimes needs reminding to put on deodorant
s2s2 at comcast dot net
http://twitter.com/#!/susan1215/status/122056393703432192
s2s2 at comcast dot net
My kids are not teens yet but my advise is to keep an open communication when they are young, instead of waiting until later to have "talks" and conversations with them. So, make the open communication a habit. :)
amy [at] utry [dot] it
my advise is choose your battles.
If they want to paint their room orange, let them. If they want to dye their hair blue, let them.
If they are still good kids, then pick your battles or else everything will become a battle
mjf926 at gmail dot com
Keep the lines of communication open by letting them know that no matter what happens, you're here for them. If they mess up, you're here for them. IF they do something great, you're here to cheer them on!
artisticbaker (at) gmail (dot) com
perfume and cologne are a great way to mask the smells, and make them feel grown up at the same time
mjharvey26 at yahoo dot com
I began wearing deodorant when I was around ten years of age. I fear my children resenting me when they are older, especially during those teenage years. I really love the bond we share, and hope to always have that.
zelpuz77 at yahoo dot com
Always let your teenager say what they need to (don't cut them off--when my daughter was younger we had a I will listen and consider what you have to say and vice versa and then we can talk about it. Sometimes they just need to feel they have been heard.
http://twitter.com/#!/fostertam/status/122693834479116288
My niece, now 13 was like me. She started using deodorant because she saw her friends using it. I guess we saved ourselves embarrassing moments ahead of time.
I can't really give you advice on tweens other than don't be quick to judge-let them tell the story before you jump to conclusions!
Thanks! kmassmanATgmailDOTcom
My best advice is to keep the lines of communication as open as possible. We've talked to the girls about tough issues since they were very young... even when a not-so-tough issue was brought up, we would very much emphasize that they can come and talk to us about ANYTHING. Hopefully they will take us up on this offer in the future when the going gets tough.
Also- keep.them.busy! Tweens and Teens need to be kept busy so they (hopefully) stay out of trouble. The girls have been involved in gymnastics, bowling, soccer so far, and we hope that by instilling a love of sports , or a hobby in general, they will be less likely to get in with the wrong crowd!
*Megan from WI*
I remember these days all too well.
I can't really call it a secret... Just try to be patient and understanding. We can all remember what it was like being younger and dealing with all this stuff. And everyone deals with it differently. Help them develop good habits, and be calm and supportive when they make mistakes. Keep up the good fight. ^_^
fortunately, mine are 7 and under
Ahhh the joys of parenthood! My son is only 5.. but sometimes has the attitude of a 13 year old girl.. Im scared for the future.
I don't have any secrets. I just tell them they need to start wearing deodorant so they don't gross anyone out. Daily showers, also...
Not looking forward to the tween years. I have four little girls and they are close in age.
Too funny that you are doing this now! Couldn't have come at a more perfect time for sure. My oldest, who is 9, started having some stinky pits! She is really shy about things so I had to do some searching to find out good ways to talk to her just a couple of weeks ago. We decided on more showers and a natural, unsented deoderant that seems to be doing the trick!
Mine are still young, not much help. I remembered my mom listened more than talked when we were teenagers.
http://twitter.com/#!/tcarolinep/status/124715326746275841
i dont have tweens yet but i would say to be a good listener and also a friend
pokergrl8 at gmail.com
http://twitter.com/#!/aes529/status/124919242607964160
pokergrl8 at gmail.com
My daughters are still young, so I would like to know some secret about raising tween too.
I tweeted http://twitter.com/#!/mom22girlz/status/125467340669333504
No tween yet but I am eagerly reading the comments!
melduke26 at gmail dot com
Pack lots of patience and pray. Just remember at that particular age they are trying to fit in and feel accepted by their friends not be under mom. Parents are just uncool during the tween years in their eyes (lol).
tweety800265(at)yahoo(dot)com
Tweet
http://twitter.com/#!/disneyfan40/status/125777982160769024
tweety800265(at)yahoo(dot)com
Raising Teens is a one day at a time thing. No big secret there. It will make you sweat!
gmissycat at yahoo dot com
Tweeted here too
http://twitter.com/#!/gmissycat/status/126224382996647936
gmissycat at yahoo dot com
Cute photos! I was a late bloomer and didn't need deodorant until I was about 14 but I know a lot of my friends needed it sooner!
shevilkenevil1 at aol dot com
Tweet:
http://twitter.com/#!/roomofmyown/status/126764057654079488
shevilkenevil1 at aol dot com
Be ready to do a lot of listening... it earns you the right to ask questions later in life! And we suggest a mandatory daily bath/shower! ( :
My kids are still young, but I remember the tween years. The best advice my mom ever gave me during that time was, "One day, the things you worry about now won't matter"--like popularity and things like that. And she was right!
i don't have a tween..but my advice is advice my sister gave me know...she said if you can't get him to stop breastfeeding, diaper use etc now..how will you get him off drugs, smoking etc as a teen ...in other words..be tough momhood is not easy
nannypanpan at gmail.com
I don't have a tween but based on my own experiences growing up and from watching my sister raise her kids, I'd have to say that good communication is key. Also that good parenting starts early and if a good foundation is there, the tween years will be a lot better.
my best advice about tweens is let them paint their room any wacky color they want and don't fret too much about crazy fads- they go away just as quick
sherricrawford70/at/yahoo/dot/com
Make sure before you give advice when they come to you with a problem, make sure they want it sometime they just want to vent
tbarrettno1 at gmail dot com
tweet
http://twitter.com/#!/ChelleB36/status/128694728064638977
tbarrettno1 at gmail dot com
My children had been married and have their own families and children. When they were tween/teen, keep good communications with them, let them bring their friends/school mates home for parties so you know what kind of friends they are with. Let them paint their own rooms so they will keep their rooms neat. Be honest with them, respect them and keep our promise etc. Love to share my experience.
ctong2[AT]gmail[DOT]com
I don't have a tween yet, but there is some great ideas in these comments.
Tweet: http://twitter.com/njhhb/statuses/130332821234528256
My 9 year old twin daughters are almost to that age and it's scaring the you know what out of me! We bought a great book on the puberty subject and plan on reading and discussing it together.
nuthouse(at)centurytel(dot)net
tweeted: http://twitter.com/#!/KerryBishop/status/130346180323459073
nuthouse(at)centurytel(dot)net
I don't have any kids yet but I think when I was that age I'd much rather be putting on deodorant all the time than worry about being "the stinky kid"!
anna [dot] posekany [at] hotmail [dot] com
teach them by example with love and patience
babitababita@hotmail.com
http://twitter.com/#!/zbabita5/status/130385883613511680
babitababita@hotmail.com
I have two boys and I realize how lucky I am that neither were very hard to raise. I guess just keeping open communication and trying hard to talk to them rather than AT them helped me a lot.
dahbou at gmail dot com
Tweet - http://twitter.com/#!/didyouyarnthat/status/130400797254090752
dahbou at gmail dot com
my son uses deodorant so he smells good for the girls
My son is at the age where I always have to remind him to use soap and deodorant and to actually lather his hair with shampoo
tweeted
http://twitter.com/#!/fairydancer35/status/130702668132909057
i actually don't know anything about raising a tween! i do know it's hard to have nieces that are at this age :)
lyndsey dot hauck at gmail dot com
The best advice I can give is to keep the communication open and always let them know you love them. helenkeeler@cocmast.net
By the time kids are tweens, they are not the same thing as small children anymore. The best thing to do is keep open communication and show them recognition that they are not small children.
bethelderton59 at gmail dot com
My best kept secret on raising a tween? It's not a secret, communication with them, be their friend.
merleandtina@yahoo.com
http://twitter.com/#!/HappyTina0115/status/130810343462154240
merleandtina@yahoo.com
Im years past having tweens. My daughters were so different so no advise I have would have worked on both of them. But I will wish you good luck and try to enjoy.
Give Tweens the space to grow up but not enough to become distant.
Kandi Smith
klbs1@yahoo.com
It is important to establish an open line of communication with your children at an early age so that they feel comfortable coming to you with any questions or concerns. It also makes it easier for parents to offer advice.
You have to pick your battles with tweens. I let mine wear what they want as long as they don´t smoke.
traymona(at)aol.com
I have no children but I do know I would start them on hygiene as soon as possible.
I haven't got a tween yet, we are just at 7. I am very open for advice from others though!
Thanks,
selinda_mccumbers at yahoo.com
No kids. I started wearing deodorant way back in the beginnings of time.. Or at least 50 years ago.
Thanks for the contest.
just keep an open line of communication
http://twitter.com/#!/rsmc1/status/131582479663501312
I don't have kids of my own, but I am guessing that with a tween you need to be as much of a friend as a parent and relate to them on their level and age. Let them know you remember being their age and the struggles you went thru so that you can bond with them on that level too.
Angie
14earth at gmail dot com
I tweeted here:
http://twitter.com/#!/FotoMacro/status/131817149856616449
Angie
14earth at gmail dot com
best tip I can give is leave the doors to communication open. Once those doors close you will have a hard time talkin. sweepmorey at gmail dot com
I tweeted http://twitter.com/#!/mommysdizzy/status/131871514772508672
Trying to get my teenager who is special needs to understand the importance of deodorant is difficult.
melissalucky43@yahoo.com
I'm looking for ideas of my own. My husband has bought 4 books so far to share with my son and I even bought a book to read to him. I can't imagine what's going to happen when I have to do this with my daughters.
chipdip2010(at)hotmail(dot)com
Tweeted http://twitter.com/#!/chipdip2010/status/132059464588206081
chipdip2010(at)hotmail(dot)com
Not sure I have tips on a tween - mine is still a baby (< 1yr). Enjoying it while I can
Be the best communicator you can be, AND listen to what they're saying.
https://twitter.com/#!/cjwallace43/status/132166861793132544
Be patient, open and a good listener.
mybeachylife at gmail dot com
It's been quite a while since my boys went through this. I remember taking them and letting them pick out their own first deodorant. It's not that big a deal usually with boys.
Thanks for the giveaway!
eswright18 at gmail dot com
tweet
http://twitter.com/#!/eswright18/status/132223428475367424
For my 6 year-old daughter...we color in a tooth w/ a different color each night on a chart and sing "brushing our teeth pop/rock" song while brushing. As for my 13-year or old, I say, "Do you want girls or not? Use your deodorant and brush them teeth!" LOL! Good giveaway for promoting good hygiene! Thanks!
MY TWEET: http://simmonsfamilyupdate.blogspot.com/2011/10/dont-fret-sweat-giveaway.html
I suggest being open and honest, and treating puberty like any phase of life. It's nothing to be feared.
runningmatey at hotmail dot com
http://twitter.com/#!/LuckyDuckyToo/status/132485979029254145
runningmatey at hotmail dot com
All I can say is be patient.
MCantu1019 at aol dot com
I'd say pray and ask God to guide you in love, sensitivity and patience. There will be a lot of crazy mood swings but deal with love
I would say my best tip is to come to compromises on what you two may not agree on. That sort of thing helped me really bond with my mom growing up (once she started using the suggested method, anyway).
kytah00@yahoo.com
2nd entry tweet @ http://twitter.com/#!/kytah00/status/132501143849930752
kytah00@yahoo.com
Great giveaway! I love lavender oil scent.
shannoncarman at yahoo dot com
http://twitter.com/#!/channynn/status/132501334787227648
shannoncarman at yahoo dot com
My kids are grown, but my son was easier as a "tween" than my daughter. She and I butted heads a lot, but I learned to pick my battles and not worry about the little stuff. They both turned out OK.
marcia.goss@gmail.com
Tweet.
https://twitter.com/#!/mgoss123/status/132513182865571840
marcia.goss@gmail.com
I don't have a tween yet, so I can't really give parenting tips. However, I have two nieces, ages 10 and 14, and they know they can come to me about anything. My brother is glad that at least they have a trusted adult to turn to even if they won't talk to him or my sister-in-law.
the imagine tree at aol dot com
No kids in our household, but teaching kids by example is always a good tactic!
Thanks for the giveaway!
email in blogger profile.
tweet- http://twitter.com/#!/js22222222/status/132565130805379072
email in blogger profile.
My children are all adults now and they were all so different. Some were incredibly easy and others gave me gray hair overnight.
Tweet - https://twitter.com/#!/willitara/status/132567459478769664
with girl i would say when it time a trip to bath and body works would be a great thing to help them keep clean because most girl love to smell good .
purple_lover_04 at msn dot com
https://twitter.com/#!/purplelover04/status/132568180693544961
I don't have a tween but I remember when they pulled all us girls aside in 4th-6th grade to give us the "talk" during gym class.
As long as my tween doesn't do what I did I'll never have a early heart attack as I gave my parents. My best tip would be to keep a good line of communication open for everything even if you don't agree and let them know not to be ashamed of what's happening to there bodies. Having them pick out body wash and deodorants gives them a sense of being a young adult and feeling good about them selves.
bec.shockley@gmail.com
tweet
bec.shockley@gmail.com
http://twitter.com/#!/mngirlinssp/status/132574298102702085
It is important to stay involved in all aspects of your childrens lives even if they don't want you to be.
lol* love the pictures of your girl, too cute. Best kept secret? Sometimes you gotta let them figure stuff out on their own. Like red lipstick really doesnt instantly make you cool. X)
abitnerdygirl at gmail dot com
i tweeted about the promo :) http://twitter.com/abitnerdy/status/132656535754113024
abitnerdygirl at gmail dot com
My best kept secret was PRAYER! I prayed constantly for guidance on being a good mom, as well as a compassionate one. When I was 6, my little brother was born severly retarded and my parents were required to be at the hospital with him for months at a time & I had to be a parent to my other brother and sister..Many things were learned the hard way & I still remember how hard it was not to be able to go to my mom about HYGIENE or PERSONAL stuff..it was tough..I always want to remember what it was like so that I can mix compassion with teaching when it comes to my son.
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