Exhaustion

I have been overworked, exhausted and just plain overwhelmed the last few weeks. I can't seem to get my ENDLESS energetic self back. For those of you that know me well, you know that I am a bottomless pit of energy!! I can just go-go-go and never skip a beat. This has not been the case as of lately.

It may be the 40hour/wk work schedule from 3:30-midnight. It may be that the kids get up at 5am ready to start the day off with a kick! I find myself peeling open my eyes as I stumble to the kitchen to fix Kamryn breakfast. I then get all my morning chores done and Owen settled with his bazillion meds for the day. I pray that Owen will take more than a 15 min catnap so that I can get ANY amount of sleep to keep me going. I know that in only six short hours I'll be back at work drinking my undisclosed amount of caffine so that I can continue to work until the clock strikes 12. Then I do it all over again.

I do my best to keep up with Owen's feeding and physical therapy several times a day. I play Rock Band with Kamryn on the WII...board game after board game..or simply lay in bed and let her read to me. I try to sneak in a 30 min workout here and there.,..this rarely gets accomplished, which is why I weigh only 10lbs less than I did when I delivered Owen... OUCH!!! I said it... it's brutal and that's also probably a reason that I am so darn tired all the time. It's not easy carrying around 30-40 extra lbs (I'm not disclosing the exact amount..gulp).

I long for the days that I had my evenings off to go to dance and destress while burning more calories that I could have possibly have consumed in one day! Going to bed at 8pm and getting up at 5am well rested and ready to conquer it all. Days when I had time to spend with my husband laying in bed and talking for hours when the kids fell aslsep. Now, it's just a kiss in passing the kids from one parent to the next.

This is all leading up to the realization that I need to finally make a choice to choose another profession (perhaps nanny again) or just go back to school and say adios to the company that has treated me like gold. My insurance is going to be the hardest to give up... we haven't had to pay a penny of Owen's medical bills, formula or supplies... for this I am thoroughly grateful!!! I'm not ready to say goodbye quite yet. I can't seem to let go. What is wrong with me????

I am so thankful to my husband for being so supportive and always working his tail off too. I failed to mention that he is the one that does all the nighly chores, taking the kids, cooking dinner and putting them to bed... ALL of this after working a full 9hours at work!! We do it together and I think we make a pretty amazing team!!

This post was just a place to get it all out... it's 1:30am and I should be sleeping, but instead I am wide awake due to my caffine fix I had at Sonic at 10:30 tonight!! I just wouldn't have made it those last 2 hours without it! :)