For eight long years, we suffered with secondary infertility. Kamryn was conceived, as a surprise, when I was 19 years old. After she was born, I so badly wanted her to have a sibling close in age. We started "not trying", but "not preventing". I saw myself with a few little babes close in age, going to school together, sharing friends. That was not the plan for us.
After the first year of trying, I decided it was my husbands issue.. sorry honey. Carson went a specailist and he was doing his part, so it had to be me that had an issue. I decided it wasn't a huge deal and we continued "not trying" for another couple of years. We were busy working, going to school and enjoying our silly baby girl.
By about year five of infertility, I broke down and visited the OBGYN . I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome). The Dr. lost me when she started talking about insulin resistance and the foods I eat were causing my infertility. I immedietly switched to a protein only diet, and took my Glucophage (to help with the insulin).
Another year of this, I still wasn't conceiving. We tried a few months of clomid with no luck. My body and our love life turned into a science experiment of mapping out days on the calendar to take my temp or my progesterone. Still, no luck.
Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and months turned into years. I can't even begin to tell you the amount of sticks I had to pee on. NEGATIVE... each and every time. I was so frustrated, sad, angry... why could everyone else get pregnant so easily. Worse.. why did I conceive Kamryn so easily?
We decided to stop trying. Stop the monthly charting. Stop the progesterone. Just enjoy life and be okay with the amazing daughter we have.
One day, 8 years after we conceived Kamryn, we got the surprise we never expected. We were pregnant. You know the amazing blessing that we got.
My body is back to being completely irregular. I am back on the progesterone. I am back on the Glucophage. I am back to having PCOS. I know that there is a reason for it all.
In hindsight, I am thankful that we had eight wonderful years to devote solely to our daughter. She is a major help with Owen, she adores her brother. I feared they wouldn't be close due to the gap in age. I was wrong. I wouldn't change the way things turned out for us at all. I believe there is a plan for us all. I trust HIM, for he created us.
If we are meant to be a family of five, we will be. Someday.
My heart goes out to all of you that are struggling with infertility. It stinks. It's not fair. There is a plan for you, just trust HIM.
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19 comments:
I wish more people shared their stories of infertility. We too had 'unexplained' secondary infertility. That's why my first two are 4 yrs apart. But you're right, it wasn't my time line I needed to stick to, it was His... And then wham, here comes number 3 and I am wondering what I will do with them so close together!!!
Thank you for sharing your story of Owen and your infertility. I can see how much joy both your children give you and your hubby. I too have had my share of infertility issues, POF (premature ovarian failure). Reading gives me hope that one day I may be blessed as much as you and others. Until then I have a wonderfull partner, with children from his first marrage, who is understanding and caring. Though just as anxious to either start a new life or adopt. I love reading about your amasing son and wish him and all the very best. I hope you will all be blessed with a new heart soon!
Wow! I have a friend that is going through this exact same thing... CRAZY! I will tell her about this post. Infertility is such a difficult trial. I have had friends/sisters go through treatment after treatment. It is the lord's timing. My sister had a baby one month after Mia was born and a baby the year before that. She tried for 7 years. Thanks for sharing with us.
I can't believe he chocked on that- poor kiddo! You seem so calm, well your post seemed calm.
I didn't know that you had so much problems. I am sorry. I would love to have another baby, but it hasn't happened yet. We havent been preventing since Triston was born because it took me so long to concieve him. It makes me very depressed when I see other people pregnant when I want to be pregnant. I guess I will eventually get pregnant some day. At least I have my little boy.
What an inspiring post!
Cxx
Your post could not have come at a more opportune time for me. THANK YOU. I have a similar story. I conceived my daughter (quite by *accident*) at 21. She is now 7. My husband and I have together for 5 years, married for 1, and we have been trying for a long time to get pregnant. I was diagnosed last fall with blockage in my tubes; the scarring is a result of a previous pelvic surgery. My right tube is completely shot, but left is still somewhat viable. We have tried 3 rounds of Clomid + IUI and all failed. IVF is going to be our best option at conceiving. We are hoping that finances will allow us to be able to try IVF in September. In the meantime, we are still trying "au naturel" if you will. There IS a chance that we could get pregant on our own, but with only 1 good tube (and that tube is not in the greatest shape), the chances are not the best. BUT I am trusting and praying that our time will come.
I am also glad to hear you speak positively of the age difference between Owen and Kamryn. I never wanted to have such a large age gap between my kids, but since my daughter is already 7, the age gap is there. I know there ARE so many benefits to spacing kids like that and it makes me happy to hear you have found it to be a good thing!
Thanks for sharing Andrea. I would love for you to be a part of the book i am compiling! Sometimes we just need to have peace in an all-knowing plan. I wish it was easier at times than it is. Owen looks so happy. I was at my friends house yesterday who took care of a hlhs baby in the stanford nicu...I told her to look for you guys in a couple weeks.
Thank you so much for sharing your story! It's so real to me, everything you spoke is pretty much "days of our lives"...women like you keep me going...I know it can happen!!!!!
What a blessing you are to others. I admire you so much.
Found you through Sofi's site. I'm going to keep your family in my thoughts. I'm a fellow PCOS mom, and yes, it sucks. Thanks for sharing your story.
We struggled with infertility issues, too. IT IS HARD! You are right, though, God's plans for us, even the ones that lead us down hard roads have beautiful scenery when we least expect it - our two kiddos are proof of that! Praying for you all that are experiencing your own infertility issues - and keeping little Owen in our family's prayers as well!
What a journey you have been through. You have a beautiful family!!!!!!!
I just found your blog tonight. Your story is very touching and I am so glad you shared it so openly. Although I have not had the same experiences that you have had, your honesty blessed me and I know how meaningful it is to others who are or have walked in similar shoes. I will begin praying for your sweet family. Owen is so precious and so is his big sister. Blessings, Angela
Thanks for sharing your story. I love your faith and trust in HIM. You are amazing.
We have another thing in common...we too had secondary infertility. That's why my boys are 3 1/2 years apart. Same diagnosis and treatment as you, NOT FUN STUFF!! That just means that Owen is extra special! He looks like he is doing so well. What a cute, happy little guy.
Hi, I'm Mimi's "friend that is going through the exact same thing." I've got two beautiful girls, both concieved easily and I'm starting the protein diet tomorrow. I'm hoping it works, but not counting on it. I am thrilled to parent any little ones I can parent, through foster care or whatever, but my hang up is never being pregnant again and never delivering again. I'm crazy, I know. Anyway, what a blessing to have two little ones, I appreciate your perspective and I echo your faith. I never thought I'd deal with this after having concieved two so easily! Still, in comparison to so many...I'm so blessed.
I share the same diagnosis as you do! After 8 years of being poked and proded we were blessed with our miracle heart baby Brinley! Only after we applied for adoption. Here we are almost 5 yrs later still the problem! 8 seems to be the lucky number! If so were in trouble this time well be too old! Rebecca
It's a stinky situation to be in regardless. We tried for while with our first [didn't know about all the "changes" and signs for the women... first time around you just assume you BD and are pregnant], then the other three didn't much problems. This last time around we tried for 8 months, finally got pregnant.... had low progesterone (as did our fourth pregnancy) and then miscarried after almost 4 weeks of meds and blood draws, etc. We all know it's in the Lord's time, but the Lord's time can sometimes feel like forever!
What a great blog you have. I admire your strength with all that the Lord has given you to deal with. I am experiencing fertility issues for the second time as well as a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. Your thoughts have helped to ease my pain. Thank you.
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